Muzikale Overtredingen

MUSICAL OFFENCES

obnoxiously show-offy warm-up, $25

vibrato on unison passage, $50

failure to swing, $150

sound-checking section mic with obnoxious jazz licks, $15

playing highest note possible during warm-up, $20

raising hand after making mistake, $15

practicing multiple-tonguing not called for on gig, $15

failure to use 3rd valve slide when necessary, $50

being told by Conductor to play louder, $400

taking tuning note up octave, $25

playing B-flat when band tunes on A, $75

blacking out after high note, $20

 

 

LEAD PLAYERS

changing mouthpiece mid-song, $15

missing high lick, then mentioning previous gig(s) that day, $25

faking section into early entrance, $10

faking self into early entrance, $20

asking Conductor if it’s OK to take this lick up, $25

asking Conductor if it’s OK to take this lick down, $400

taking lick down on gig that you took up in rehearsal, $100

missing last note of In the mood”, $200

 

 

NON LEAD PLAYERS

missing entrance when lead player drops out on unison, $15

hanging over past lead player on last chord, $100

attempting unassigned high lick lead player biffs, $50

asking lead player what mouthpiece he uses, $75

pointing out to lead player that guy on record took last passage up, $20

attempting to out-screech lead player on last chord, $100

successfully out-screeching lead player at any time, $500

 

 

EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS

dropping mute, $10

dropping horn, $20 + repairs

dropping dead, Warning

forgetting pencil, $20

forgetting mutes, $50

forgetting bow-tie or socks, $30

forgetting mouthpiece, $30

forgetting porn mags, $20

playing with screw-on rim, $10

blaming mistake on sticky valve, $25

getting marble or similar object stuck down bell, $75

polishing horn on-stage, $15

 

 

CRIMINAL BAD TASTE

quoting Herb Alpert or Chuck Mangione song, $25

casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that you also play keyboards, $100

discussing how plentiful gigs were in the old days, $50

talking dump on bandstand, $75

talking about great deal on your new horn, $10

hawking old horn on bandstand, $15

having nicer gig bag than rest of section, $10

practicing legit style on commercial gig, $35

beginning sentence with When I played with Kenton..”, $50

 

 

BASIC STUPIDITY

playing on Jet-Tone mouthpiece, $20

continuously asking Where are we ?”, $25

drunkenness on gig, $25

stonedness on gig, $50

sobriety on gig, $75

sitting next to Conductor at pre-/post-gig meal, $100

pretending to be friends with Bone players, $10

actually being friends with Bone players, $20

dating Bone player, $75

loaning money to Bone player (oops) (amount loan)

wearing old Maynard Ferguson Tour shirt, $15

wearing new Maynard Ferguson Tour shirt, $25

 

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